Red Carpet Rehab: "And They Called It Puppy Love........"

Oh, I guess they'll never know

How a young heart really feels

And why I love her so."

Happy Valentines Day Dear Readers!

Thank you to everyone who answered my request for help with this Valentine edition of Red Carpet Rehab.

Because Red Carpet Rehab is all about celebrities..........and Valentine's Day is all about love, crushes, chocolate hearts and candy kisses (and apparently if you live in Ohio, most of the Midwest or lucky upstate New York -- it's also all about SNOW)...........

Anyhow............

It got me thinking.

About my 'tween years. About the various crushes I had on Pop stars and teen idols. The posters on the bedroom wall, copies of Tiger Beat magazine, 8-track tapes and album covers.

Things I just don't think about much anymore.

I'm just guessin' that a lot of you can probably relate.

So this edition of Red Carpet Rehab is all about that.

A sort of: "Who was the celebrity 'Puppy Love' of your youth?"

Well, I guess I'll start...........

If the photo and song lyrics above didn't give it away already.....one of my very first girlhood celebrity crushes was on Mr. Mormon himself.....Mr. Pearly Whites.....Mr. "And I'm a Little Bit rock 'N Roll"......

Donny Osmond.

Actually, both my sister Julie and I had crushes on darling Donny.

However, I truly felt that since I was a full year and a half older.....I had a much better chance of winning his heart.

(Shoot.......had I known more about Mormons back then, we wouldn't have had to fight over him at all, he could've married us BOTH!)

Anyways........

I'm not really sure what it was about Donny that we loved so much. Sure, he was a cute kid and all......but looking at those pictures now..........

Ya know........ he wasn't really very masculine, was he?

The big smile, the floppy hair, the squeaky-clean image.........
(the White Pimp Suit?). I'm startin' to think all of us girls (and there were a lot of us back then, believe me......) were just in love with him because he was so.....so....I don't know, so non-threatening.

I mean, he readily admitted his favorite color was............. PURPLE!

He was always showing us TV viewers his purple socks.
( "A Little Bit Rock 'N Roll" .....yeah right! And Barry Manilow is a womanizer!)

If you remember........... a lot of those teen idols were like that. Kinda......girly. Sweet, with big smiles, shiny clothes and big, fluffy hair.

Not a tatoo on any of 'em.

But that's kinda why we loved them, right?

I know I sure loved Donny. My sister Julie sure loved Donny.

I will admit............we must not have loved him enough though, because we didn't buy all of the Donny goodies.

But guess what. Someone else did........and they still have them all now. Take a look at just a few of the Donny items that I found on the internet:

An awesome cassette tape of Donny -- Gee, he's so multi-cultural. I wonder if he's actually singing in "Canadian?"

Cool Donny (and Marie) lunchboxes...........Ooooh, check out the thermos! And look.....silly Marie changed her hair, but our Donny stayed the same!

Awesome.......an 8-track tape......2 to be exact. Didn't ya just love the noise it made when it was switching tracks. Especially if it was right in the middle of a good song......ya know, like: "One Bad Apple."

(Love the PURPLE velvet hat, by the way! Donny would be perfect to do a remake of last year's Oscar-winning original song from the movie Hustle and Flow -- "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp." )

Finally, what every 'tween girl needs. A sleeping bag. And not just any sleeping bag........a Donny (and Marie) sleeping bag.

Oh man..........do I want this sleeping bag! Actually, what I meant to say is....the 12-year-old in me really wants this sleeping bag.

Couldn't you just see bringin' that to a slumber party?

Ya know, the one you were so excited to get invited to........but then you got into a big fight with your friend Kristin right before, and she told you that Jenny didn't really want to invite you......but your mom was friends with her mom, so Jenny's mom made her......and then you cried and you told Kristin that you really didn't like her new earth shoes.......and she said everyone thinks you look just like Kristy McNichol..........then you told her that she can't do "The Hustle" and then you both realized neither one of you could do "The Hustle," so you laughed and made up......and traded Bonne Bell Lip Smackers, put on the radio and lip-synched to "Rock The Boat" by The Hues Corporation ("Our love is like a ship on the ocean......we've been sailing with a cargo full of, love and de-vo-shun").

Yep, that's a pretty cool sleeping bag.

Oooops.........sorry about the flashback. Back to my boy Donny.

Did I mention that Jules was in love with him as well?...........

(We kinda had that Hilary/Haylie Duff thing goin' on......or was that Marcia and Jan?)

I dunno.

Well......here's what Julie wrote in to say about her crushes:

"One of my big crushes was none other than Mr. Puppy Love himself, Donny Osmond. My highlight one summer was sitting in the 1st row at the Ohio State Fair watching the Osmond Brothers. I was screaming, standing on my chair, no tears though, I was too young for that. Now he is Mr. “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” .....which makes me, and probably his mom Olive (rest her soul), very happy."

Yes.....I'm thrilled to say that Donny did not go the way of many other teen idols (more on that later). He did however, go the way of many Mormons.

He married happily, and had lots of kids. In fact, I think some of them even sing and dance (and I'm sure they wear PURPLE!)

Here's a recent shot of our former teen crush, all grown up (and without the wig and wacky-colored coat)...............

(I can't tell.....but I bet he's wearin' PURPLE socks!)

Yay Donny! Glad to see ya so happy, healthy and still handsome. Good for you.

Now, as teen crushes tend to do............our love for Donny eventually started to fade. We moved on to older, wiser men.

For my sister, it was Bobby Sherman.

(The fact that he had a big hit song with her name in the title, may have had something to do with it).

Her thoughts on this crush:

"My other crush was Mr. Bobby Sherman -- “Julie, Julie, Julie Do You Love Me?”. Of course, I thought he was singing that song to me. I had a tin lunch box that I carried until the 4th grade. After that, it was a bit nerdy. I always sat through all 9 episodes of “Here Come the Brides”. I think I did have a poster or two from Teen Beat mag as well.

Now, when I said older and wiser men, I wasn't kiddin'. As you can see here, Bobby is neither wearing PURPLE nor a Pimp Hat. Well done.

Enough about Julie and I..........it's time to hear what some of the rest of you had to say about the crushes of your youth:

My wonderful friend Marri was the first to reply:

"My greatest love of all was... LEIF GARRETT !

What a loser he has become. I told everyone I knew that I would marry him someday. If he had married me maybe he would not be in jail!

Anyway, I had scrapbooks and posters all over my room. The best one was him in baby blue satin pants and a white shirt. The caption read, "Have a Hot Summer" Love, Leif. To this day, one of my brother-in-laws will still say that to me!"

Yes, Marri is a brave girl to speak of her love for Leif (I never knew if you were supposed to pronounce it - Leef or Lay-ffff).

Anywho...........although I'm not exactly sure what he did for a living,

Leif was a very popular teen idol back then..............

But oh boy...........check him out now!

Hmmmm.......his most recent arrest was for felony heroin possession and fare evasion. Fare evasion? Yes, Leif was caught trying to ride the London subway.....without a ticket.

Marri.........I'm with ya girl. He totally would have been better off with you. First of all.....you have a car. No need to ride the subway. And then there's the heroin. Hey, you don't even like heroin. (Speaking of heroin -- what happened to his hair? Just curious.) Oh well, those wacky teen idols never learn.

Thanks, Marri......for fessin' up about your crush.

Now, on to Jennifer (JJ) -- yes, she is the red bubble dress diva...............

Jennifer wrote in with this little tidbit:

"At the risk of being 'outed' to the many who don't know......I had it really bad for Shaun Cassidy.

......And I did get to meet him and have my picture taken with him...my grandmother's comment on that was, 'Is that the Irish boy you took to the Prom?' (only half-right)"

JJ need not be ashamed of Shaun ("Da Doo Ron Ron") Cassidy. Even though he had prettier hair than most all of my girlfriends in middle school........

..........he did not end up in prison.

As a matter of fact, Shaun went from hit singles and "Hardy Boys" ..........

.......... to becoming quite an influential television writer/producer himself. Most recently, the sci-fi TV drama "Invasion" that aired last year.

Not bad JJ......as far as I can tell, he's never tried to ride the subway without a ticket,

and look...........the heroin, I mean hairdo, is lookin' pretty good now too.
Way to go Shaun!

My friend Marla answered my crush request with a very brief reply:

"I had a thing for Bruce Springsteen."

Now, I'm not quite sure at what age she was talkin' about.......because I don't think anyone has ever called "The Boss" a teen idol.

Maybe Marla was just a little advanced for her age. Here we were......crushin' on guys with big teeth and feathered hair, and she was crazy about this.......

a guitar-playin' dude from Jersey with facial hair.

Yikes! Can you imagine if he was a "teen idol"? I would hate to have been the photographer from Tiger Beat that had to ask Bruce to pose for a magazine spread with leather and a pimp hat!

Hmmmm..........on second thought..............

Really, I'm just funnin' with Marla -- because although she didn't specify, I'm thinkin' she was referring to the "Born In The USA" - era Bruce Springsteen.

Although...........when I see this picture, all I can think about is -- Mike Reno, the headband-wearin' lead singer from "Loverboy" ("Everybody's workin' for the weekend........").

That's cool Marla. Even though he was never a teen idol.....as far as I'm concerned, "The Boss" is definitely crush-worthy. Good job!
(By the way, his song "Jungleland" ......awesome! Should be a movie.)

OK...............

We have but a few more teen idols to hear about.

My good friend Lois had this to say to my crush request:

"Davy Jones from the Monkees."

Now I'll admit...........Lois was very brief, but to the point. Speaking of brief.....just how tall is Mr. Davy Jones anyways? I mean, I think this guy would look up to Tatoo on "Fantasy Island."

I kid, I kid.

In all honesty, I was a little crazy for Davy myself. "Hey, hey we're the Monkees!" Seriously, I loved those guys too. And Davy was totally the cute one, right? What was with that tall one and the goofy hat?

No.....Davy was definitely a cutie-pie. Adorable and small (non-threatening, remember?) and with that awesome British accent.

And how about when he guest-starred on "The Brady Bunch"........

.......and Marcia told everyone that she knew him and that he was going to sing at their school dance.

Of course she was fibbing, got caught in the lie and had to try to make it right. Somehow she found her way to his recording studio(and got to hear him sing: "Girl, look what you've done to me......") She pleaded her case....but to no avail. His mean manager kicked her out before she could even talk to Davy.

Lucky for Marcia,

Davy heard it all over the monitor.......he shows up at her house.....and ends up giving her a kiss!

Who remembers Marcia's famous line to her parents at the end of the episode? Yep....... "I'll never wash this cheek again!"

Lucky girl.

Well, I have no idea what Davy is up to now, but he still looks pretty good.

I think that the Monkees periodically tour together. That would be a fun show to see............as long as the tall guy didn't wear that hat.

Good crush choice, Lois.

My friend Janet had some very funny things to say about her 3 crushes:

"Peter Noonan of the Herman's Hermits ("I'm Henry the Eighth I Am" and "Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Daughter")..........

That strong British accent was "sooooooooooo cute." He was a regular on the TV shows "Shindig" and "Hullabaloo."

She goes on to say......

"I'm embarrassed to admit to this one, but....Tom Jones..........

This was pre-plastic surgery, (but post-sock-in-the-pants!) :) "

"Also, Joe Namath of the New York Jets..........

So what if his nose rivaled Jimmy Durante's ...he was tall & handsome and talented and always had a devilish sparkle in his eye. Later, as an adult, I chaired a large fundraiser solely because Joe was to be the guest of honor. We sat together, talked a lot and yes, it was thrilling. Unfortunately, now he is slobbering on female sportscasters!

Sigh...How the mighty fall....... "

(Pssssst............Janet, at least he's not in prison -- or on heroin! Hey, his hair doesn't look too bad either, by the way. Lookin' good Joe! Just watch the brewskis there bud.

Hey, I don't know about you all........but I think Janet gets a prize for actually sitting and having dinner next to her crush (and for fessin' up about Tom Jones, but that's another story......).

Way to go, Janet. Who cares if Joe got a little tipsy and came on to a female sportscaster.....on the air. There still aren't many guys out there who can put on a pair of pantyhose, quite like Joe!

Great crush scoop!

The final respondent requested to remain anonymous.....and believe it or not, it is a male. Yes, there are a few males who are on the Red Carpet Rehab mailing list, believe it or not.

Ya know.......I've been trying desperately to recruit more, but they just keep kicking me out of the locker room at the YMCA. Go figure.

Anyways......

Here is how Anonymous replied to my crush request:

"Please do not use my name........

Olivia Newton-John (both the "good" Sandy and "bad" Sandy in Grease)

Julie Christie (Lara in Dr. Zhivago)

and Sienna Miller (mostly based on her role in the (old) television series Keen Eddie)

Now about these choices........

I'm sure you're all thinking........Olivia Newton-John. Too cute, so pretty, beautiful voice. What female didn't want to be her in Grease? She is perfect as the "good" Sandy....and then she's great as the "bad" Sandy as well. And -- she gets to ride off with Danny Zuko. Perfect.

She's very crush-worthy. Good choice Anonymous.

On to Julie Christie as Lara in "Zhivago." She's beautiful, romantic and tragic. Kinda like Paris Hilton.....without the beautiful and romantic.

Understandable crush as well.

But it's the last one that's a little shaky.

Miss Miller is somewhat attractive......

but nowhere near in the league of the previous 2 lovelies.

She has been chastised by Red Carpet Rehab before for her wardrobe. I mean what is this?

You wear a skimpy black bathing suit and a fedora out to lunch in NYC with Jude Law? No wonder he shagged the nanny. He was worried you went off your rocker.

At least he knew she was in the rocker.....holding his kids!

No, this 3rd choice didn't make much sense.......that is until I saw the following 2 pictures next to one another........

("Tell me about it.....Stud.")

Sienna Miller is all: "Look at me.............I'm bad San-Dee!"

OK, now I get it.
(I also understand why you chose to remain Anonymous.)

So believe it or not................those are some of the crushes of our youth. Otherwise known as, "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly." (in no particular order)

I hope you all enjoyed this little jaunt down memory lane....and I hope it made you chuckle a little this Valentine's Day.

I"m off now to dig up the old copies of a script I was writing as a spin-off to one of my all-time favorite shows of the 70's........... "Happy Days."

Seems I had a great idea for a show.....but somebody stole it and changed the casting before I could give them my pitch.

Whaddaya think..............2 cute kids.......from different worlds,