Overheard At The SAG Awards Last Night.....

"Look Helen........I keep tellin' ya, I know I'm married to an older woman and all....but seriously, I'm NOT interested in....'A Little Tumble With The Queen' as you put it.

And no......I won't play 'Hide The Knickers' OR 'Spank the Jester' with you.....even if you do give me your SAG Award.

Uh Oh.....Demi just looked up and she's on her way over here. Great! She already caught me talking to Betty White and Bea Arthur. Listen, you better just remove your hand and walk away now, or I'm gonna get another time-out!"


Meanwhile.....in the press room backstage.......

"Yay! We won another award for 'Grey's Anatomy!' Lucky for us.....Isaiah Washington isn't here this time to spoil our fun. Quick-thinking Patrick Dempsey changed the 'S' to an 'F' on Isaiah's SAG Award invite..........and curiously, Isaiah was suddenly too busy 'in rehab' to attend. Way to go McDreamy!"


Later, overheard at the "Dreamgirls" table after Eddie Murphy's win........


"Yo.....Jamie, my man. Please tell me that person over there, the shaggy-haired brunette who just grabbed my butt and gave me a HUGE congratulatory kiss, please tell me that's a chick.

I forgot my glasses tonight.....and as you know, I don't have the best track record when it comes to that sort of thing."


"Hmmm.......let me check it out for you there Eddie. Oh yeah. I see the tall brunette you're talkin' about. Oooops. That's who grabbed and kissed you?

I'm not sure how to tell ya this man. Let's just say.............



Have you ever heard the song......... 'Dude Looks Like A Lady' ?"


Walking the red carpet on the way into the awards, "Dreamgirls" breakout star and Oscar nominee Jennifer Hudson exclaimed:

"Hmmpft. Some people think that they are the only divas in the room. Well I'll show Miss Thang a thing or two about divas. Who got the Oscar acting nomination now huh? Mmmmm Hmmmm.....yeah, that's right Be-yotch, I mean.....Be-yon-say. I'm here and I am workin' this gown girl. The rest of y'all can just sit down and take a number."



At the "Desperate Housewives" table, Eva Longoria and basketball star fiancee Tony Parker made quite a cute couple. Let's listen in on their conversation, shall we........?


"See Tony......the wedding planner sent me pictures of all sorts of great stuff to show you. I promise, you're gonna love it!

Here are the flowers, here are the place settings. Look at the cute centerpieces with the little basketballs on them. And see, the bridesmaids (all of the 'Housewives' -- except that slut, Nicollette Sheridan!) are going to be in Spurs cheerleader uniforms.

It won't be boring at all....I promise. We're giving away sweatbands to all of the guests, and we even get to high-five the minister after he pronounces us Husband and Wife. It'll be awesome!


Speaking of 'Desperate Housewives' ..................

It was so nice of Teri Hatcher to pull us aside and fill us in on her bold new ad campaign for Spray-On Mystic Tan. It seems the girl on the left is the "Before." And Teri .....well, as you can see...........



she's most definitely...............the "After."

Hey, it's Hollywood. Who needs sunblock?


Finally, the evening's most emotional moment came when Julie Andrews received the Screen Actors Guild "Lifetime Achievement Award."


After a clip montage of some of her more memorable roles and co-stars, there wasn't a dry eye in the house as lovely Julie stepped to the stage.

Looking as youthful and prim as ever......Miss Andrews brought to mind that proper British nanny as she smiled and accepted her award from former "Mary Poppins" co-star.......Dick Van Dyke.


Fortunately, the audience couldn't hear her when she exclaimed that she had "always been such a big fan of Dicks ........

.....especially this one, ever since he played the father on that wonderful TV show, 'Eight Is Enough'."


(Oooops..............wrong "Dick" there Julie!)


Miss Andrews then walked offstage and was overheard asking for directions to Ashton Kutcher's table.


Hey, give her a break.

She wasn't really a nun...............



...........she just played one in a movie!