Just In Time For The Holidays.....Our "Celebrity Christmas Gift List"

We get it.

Everyone is always saying........... "Ahhhh.....the holidays are here!" The fresh smell of pine, the beautiful sounds of Christmas carols, the joyous faces of young children waiting for Santa.

But sometimes, it's feels more like.......... "Yikes, the holidays are here!" The last-minute rushing around for gifts, fighting for that one open parking space at the Mall, opening that yearly Christmas letter from your smug cousin Martha in Maine and her pretty, perfect family of five.

Seriously........the holidays can be a scary time. Just check out that picture up there. That kid ain't lookin' too thrilled, if ya ask us.

We're sure he's just worrying about finding the right gift for everyone on his Christmas list. That can be a truly frightening thing.

Well, we here at Red Carpet Rehab have decided to make your holiday gift-giving just a little bit easier. We know you've been wondering what to get that hard-to-buy-for celebrity on your Christmas List this year.

Fear not, we're here to help.

So...........without any further ado, we now present:

The Red Carpet Rehab -- Celebrity Christmas Gift List -- 2006


Reese Witherspoon



What to get a beautiful actress and happy mother of two? She already has an Oscar.......a gorgeous smile, a great head of hair and teriffic fashion sense to boot. Hmmmmmmm............what could she possibly need?



Oh yeah.......how 'bout the phone number of a good divorce lawyer. That's it.

Wait a minute, I just got word that another famous gal already took care of this gift for Reese..............


Way to go Christie............you gals need to stick together! Best of luck to ya.


Lindsay Lohan



OK........we know, this is an easy one..........
.
.......... underwear.

Listen La Lohan, we just wanna get you something that you need. What do you prefer......bras, panties......or both? How 'bout both. Yeah, I think that's best. Do you have a style preference? No? OK. How 'bout we round up you and your 2 blonde buddies and we drive ya all over to Wal-Mart. We hear they're havin' a big sale on undies and what-not. We could get you gals into some of them Hanes cotton ones that all the celebs are promotin' nowadays. I can see their new ad campaign already:




"Lindsay, Britney and Paris......Look Who We've (Finally) Got To Put Underwear On Now"



By the way............while we are on the subject.............


Miss Britney


We were just wondering if y'all would fancy a JC Penney gift card to go with some of them new Wal-Mart undies we'll be givin' ya.

If recent photos on the internet are to be believed.......you not only desperately need some lingerie............you're runnin' a little low in the T-shirt department as well.

Why else would you go out on the town with your posse dressed like this...........


............and then the next night go back out on the town with the same guys.....dressed like this?


Girlfriend...........are you so behind in your laundry duties that you have to wear the same awful-lookin' Michael Jackson Thriller T-shirt........that your buddy wore the night before?!

Or are you just too lazy to find somethin' else to put on.

Honey..........just take that gift card we're givin' ya and find yourself somethin' purty to put on next time. Puh-leez!



Mary-Kate Olsen



Another easy gift.

Honey...........how 'bout a sandwich? Seriously........you need to eat somethin' little girl! You're gonna waste away to nuthin', and then who would cute little Ashley hang out with?

How 'bout a pastrami on Rye? No? OK, howz about a nice grilled cheese with a bag of chips on the side. And maybe a chocolate milk shake too. Heck....we'd even take you to Steak and Shake if you'd let us.


Really M-K.........food is good, and fast food is GREAT! Ya oughta try it sometime.

Oh yeah...............and about that outfit. We were wondering if we could possibly get you a gift card to Old Navy or The Gap.



We gotta get you out of those frumpy oversized outfits and huge sunglasses that make you look like a bag lady......or somebody's weird Aunt Ida. Ya know, the Aunt with all the garden gnomes and the house that smells like stinky cheese.

In fact...........is it just me...........or is Mary-Kate starting to look like ET the Extra-Terrestrial........when Drew Barrymore dressed him up in playclothes during the movie?







Dunno............We think the resemblance is frightening!


And while we're on the subject of clothing for Christmas..............


Simon Cowell



Somebody.........anybody...........please give him a nice turtleneck sweater. Maybe a festive red one from LL Bean or Land's End. Something in a nice comfy cotton would work. As long as it covers his upper body.

Yikes Cowell.........we've seen your chest, and your chest hair. Enough already, we get it. You're a virile, macho man from "Across The Pond"...........sent to the States to help us find our American Idols. Bully for you, old chap! Thanks so much.........now could ya please just button it up?


Speaking of covering up.............

Howz about a gift of a nice velour warm-up suit for Mr. Shirt-less himself --


Matthew McConaughey.

What ever happened to that old saying...... "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" ?
This guy is never dressed! We know he is basically a glorified beach bum.....but seriously......what does he have against wearing clothing like the rest of us?

Well, we're sure he looks even more attractive and virile when he's all gussied up.......


Hmmmm........then again, we have been known to be wrong before. Oh well, scratch that.

Hey Matt........forget the warm-up suit we were gettin' ya...........stick with the shorts and 7-day stubble. Go with what ya know, we always say.


And finally, if we are speaking about what ya know..............


We know this:


There is something very strange going on in Hollywood -- in regards to hair.

We think gifting certain celebs with some much-needed hair styling products would not be such a bad idea this Christmas.

For example,

While some celebrities are in need of a good bottle of hairspray..........

Bee-yawn-say



Others merely need a hairbrush.....well, and maybe a full-length mirror, too.

Zooey Deschanel (from "Elf")


Speaking of giving a hairbrush and mirror.............look at this photo of Cybill Shepherd. Not bad, not bad at all. Hair and make-up look pretty darn good.


Well, that is not a recent photo. We're afraid she has apparently lost her hair brush, her blow-dryer, her mirror and maybe even her mind.........



Quick ..........somebody please wrap up a gift bag with a bunch of hair-styling aids (and make-up samples) for poor Miss Shepherd..............

We do believe she's in danger of scaring small children.

Ooooops..........too late..............



Looks like the little girl in green just got an eyeful of Cybil and she's lookin' to bolt.

Hey, check out the face on the little lad. He's sayin' -- "Yikes, now I know why Bruce Willis couldn't wait to get away from 'Moonlighting' !"

The girl in red is only happy because she just realized that if the two
young-uns leave, she's gettin' their free candy canes from Mr. Store-Front Santa there.

Back to hair (and then we're almost done with this list) --


Some celebs desperately need a new hair-stylist ................

Scarlett Johannsson (Wow.....I got nuthin' for this one.......)


Denise Richards (ex-Mrs. Charlie Sheen - sportin' the birds-nest look)


Gwen Stefani (in an ad for "Dippity-Doo".....or Cinnabon)




While other celebs just need the gift of hair.


Hmmmm........and maybe a Lands End turtleneck for Mr. Clean here too..........

Joey deserves a nice gift. He seems like a cutie and all-around nice guy. Too bad about the "Dancing With The Stars" thing there Joe. I hear "Skating With Celebrities" is holding an open casting call. Check it out, we'll send that turtleneck to ya Next Day Air.



OK........that about wraps up the Celebrity Christmas Gift List for this year. Hope this helps you during your final days of shopping.

If you ask us........these are some very deserving celebs, with very real needs. Any gift or monetary donation you could provide will be greatly appreciated. Seriously.

Oh wait.............We almost forgot. Somebody mentioned a celebrity bachelor who recently lost a beloved pet, and might be looking to find the right girl and finally settle down.


(Nice turtleneck, by the way........)


If only he could find a nice mid-western gal, with good values and a solid upbringing. One who knows a lot about movies and Hollywood, but wouldn't get her head turned by the flashiness of it all. One who likes to read, write, take long walks, has her own computer......you get the drift.

Hmmmm........maybe we could give him a great Christmas gift. Ya know......to help cheer him up, after the loss of his pet. Maybe we give him the phone number of such a gal......and he could give her a call, and who knows? Those two kids could maybe become friends.......and then.............

Now.............if we could only find somebody like that..........

Christmas Came Early This Year! Ladies and Gentlemen, I Now Present To You......."The Original Bubble" !

Yes..........this is it.

The picture I've been begging and pleading for.

The snapshot that immediately came to mind as soon as I began seeing all of the recent red carpet photos of Hollywood starlets sporting the "new" fashion craze............... "The Bubble Dress."

This is the 25-year-old photo that I just knew my good friend Jennifer Diederich would have in her possession(tucked away somewhere in a box with a dog-eared copy of Shaun Cassidy on the cover of Tiger Beat, and an assortment of movie ticket stubs and "Pop Rocks" wrappers.)

The image of this glorious red taffeta dress is burned into my memory. This dress was the ultimate of class and sophistication for young women in the
early '80's........and JJ had it.

She bought it at Lazarus Department Store for the 1981 Watterson Christmas Cotillion Dance. A red dress for a Christmas Dance.......how perfect!

The dress was so perfect and proved to be such a show-stopper........she wore it again at the end of the year to the Father/Daughter Dance. Hey............
2 dances, 1 dress. This awesome dress was not only
fashion-forward, it was an economic investment!

Now, unfortunately...........I don't have a lot of time today to adequately cover all of my memories about.........this dress, that dance, her date, my date, the early 80's, Shaun Cassidy(her crush), Timothy Hutton(my crush), cool movies("Back To The Future"),cool songs("Let's Get Physical")...........you get the drift.

I promise to do that later.........sometime soon. Ya know, when I'm just sittin' around.......eatin' bon-bons.

But today............ I did have to post this photo.

And one more thing.........just to refresh your memory, here are some of the lovely ladies who have been recently spotted on the red carpet -- sportin' JJ's
25-year-old, forward-thinking fashion sense................


Anne Hathaway.........from "The Devil Wears Prada", in a photo taken just this week



Duh-Mee Moore...........'nuff said........



Some Young Hollywood Starlets.....you know who they are...........

AND..............

The 2 red "Bubble Dress" pictures that I recently saw...........that started this
whole thing.............


Livin' La Vida Lopez.................

AND........finally............I present to you..........

Miss Congeniality herself ...........the lovely Sandra Bullock.........AND.......
Miss Fashion-Forward herself ......the lovely Jennifer Diederich --

YIKES !!.............




The resemblance......it's uncanny. It's like Deja-Vu.....all over again!

Thanks so much JJ for the pic............Christmas did indeed come early
this year!